Yesterday, 20/12,  all day I heard a strange noise in the house; it was like a jingle of bells. In the arrangement for Calin's vault I put a string of bells. I knew from yesterday that there would be a storm today and I was afraid that it would ruin the arrangement, but I didn't think about the plaque in front of the vault. This morning I woke up extremely worried about the plaque and even cried, asking Calin to protect it. I immediately wrote to the Crematorium staff to verify; I did not dare to tell them to remove it until the storm passes, so as not damage the plaque in the event of a fall. After 15 minutes I received an email from the Crematorium with a picture taken in the office, containing the arrangement, the angel and the "leaves" located in front of the vault, in which Karen told me that they had taken the arrangement from the front of the plaque and they were going to put it back after the storm passes. Also this morning I found 2 impressive texts in Quora, which I will put bellow.

"1. Will I ever be happy again after the loss of my only child? My son, an only child, passed away aged 16, on 16th April 2007. It was sudden, unexpected, and wholly devastating. He would have been 21 this year, and I become so angry and upset because I can't imagine him this age, he is forever 16; immortalised in time, in memories and in my heart. Both my husband and I had to give up our jobs because we couldn't cope with the normality of life around us. Stuck in one moment of time; our lives, our ambition and our dreams of the future, all shattered and so fragmented, we can never restore it. For a long time, we wouldn't go out or socialise as the crippling guilt of feeling good, or smiling and laughing without him, was too much to bear. I wanted to talk about him, to remember him and share hilarious stories with his friends (he had a wicked sense of humour). This made me laugh and smile, but it was always short lived, and the smiles turned to incontrollable sobbing. My husband did the opposite, couldn't cope with the memories and shut himself off. It is only now, 5 years later, that he can cope with conversations about Kyle, and have some input. We had only 2 choices in life. We would never be the same people we were and coping not only with the crippling grief of losing our only child, but also the numbness that replaced our own identities; it boiled down to do something to keep his memory alive, or curl up in a ball and wait for it all to end: there was nothing in between. Thankfully we chose the former, and with help from our son's friends, founded a charity supporting and mentoring young people within the creative arts; as we would have done for Kyle. We are now learning how to smile, and how to take each day for what it is. Some days or even weeks are decimating and painful, whilst others are manageable. But some days are even good, and we smile and laugh without the overwhelming guilt, safe in the knowledge that what we do, is all to keep Kyle's memory alive.


I am so sorry for your loss, and I know that the grief of losing an only child is all consuming. Don't let people tell you that you should be 'over it', that will never happen; but in time you will begin to manage it, and you can learn to reflect on the happy memories and begin to smile once more. xx


2. One day a little girl asked her daddy, "What are you going to get me for my 15th birthday?" Her father replied: "There is still time until then my sweetie." Time passed, and just before her 15th birthday, she fainted and was rushed to the hospital. The doctor came out and told her dad that she had a bad heart and that she was probably going to die. When she was lying in the hospital bed, she said softly, "Daddy..... have they told you that I am going to die?" The father replied: "No, you are going to live." She asked: "How can you be so sure daddy?" He said: "Because I know...." A short time later she turned 15. After she was released from the hospital and recovering , she came home to find a letter on her bed, which read........"My dearest daughter, if you are reading this letter, it means that everything went well, just as I told you it would. A few years ago you asked me what I was going to give you for your 15th birthday. I didn't know then. But my present to you was..............MY HEART...""